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Feb. 25th, 2007 11:41 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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shunsui_nanaoInspired by my recent inability to sleep and constant daydreaming, I've written a very short Shunsui/Nanao fanfiction. Rating is probably PG to be safe. This is my first attempt at Bleach fanfiction and second attempt overall, so any comments or constructive criticism is most welcome!
It’s a quiet afternoon inside the soul society. The 8th division office is especially quiet. Quiet enough for a captain to take a pleasant afternoon nap and quiet enough for his lieutenant to sit in peace, diligently working at her desk.
However, as sweet as a nap would be on this lovely afternoon, Captain Kyouraku found himself unable to sleep. Head down at his desk, he kept thinking of the woman working across the room from him. His lovely, sweet Nanao-chan. She, unlike him, seemed to be enjoying the silence and was very much into her work. Shunsui slowly lifted his head up to look at her. She was so serious when she was working. Well, she was also serious when she wasn’t working. Her expression was severe and focused as she scribbled and went through report after report. It was not often he got to admire her like this. She would often notice and turn away and tell him to get back to work or back to his nap or do anything that didn’t involve staring at her like a dumbfounded fool. He liked to think that despite her verbal, and sometimes physical, harshness, she loved him and that was her way of showing her affection and devotion to him.
Tired of just staring at his Nanao-chan, (and she was his, he knew it and she knew it, despite her protests saying otherwise) he got up from his chair and started to walk across the room to her desk, standing behind her chair once he got to her. She was writing up some report and wasn’t really paying much attention to him.
“Is there something you want, or are you just planning on watching me work Taicho?”
“Ahh my cute Nanao-chan, such coldness in your words.”
He bends down a little and slowly slides his hands down her arms until he reaches her hands and grasps them.
“I think it’s due time you took a break Nanao.”
Ignoring the sultry undertone in his voice and his strong hands gripping her own, she continues to skim over the report she’d just finished writing. He brings his head down and begins to softly kiss her neck. She stiffens and keeps working in an attempt to ignore the wet kisses he leaves on her neck. He continues, aware that for all the self control she seems to have, she tends to break down rather easily. This is confirmed, when not ten seconds later she throws her head back relishing the feel of his lips on the sensitive skin of her neck, her work forgotten. His kisses trail up her neck now toward her earlobes and as he does this, he slowly starts to pull her haori off just enough to bare her shoulders. She relaxes, closes her eyes, and allows him to massage her shoulders gently. She inhales deeply, and relaxes further, loving every minute of this rare closeness between the two of them.
He was right, she did need a break. After all the stresses of a typical work day, one needs to relax a bit and he is only too happy to help her do so.
Shortly after he began, he pulls the neck of her haori back up.
“See, don’t you feel better now Nanao-chan?”
“Yes Taicho, I do,” she replies softly and then more severely, “We should get back to work now.”
He sighs. It was getting more and more difficult to stop their little “breaks” at a mere shoulder or back rub, but they both knew they could not allow that kind of indiscretion. Or at least not yet.
“Ahh my Nanao-chan is so dedicated,” he says lightheartedly as he walks back over to his desk. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”
He sits at his desk, puts his head back down and now, after having enjoyed the few touches his lovely Nanao-chan allows inside the office, he can finally take his afternoon nap.
-----------------------------------------
Any and all comments/criticism welcome.
It’s a quiet afternoon inside the soul society. The 8th division office is especially quiet. Quiet enough for a captain to take a pleasant afternoon nap and quiet enough for his lieutenant to sit in peace, diligently working at her desk.
However, as sweet as a nap would be on this lovely afternoon, Captain Kyouraku found himself unable to sleep. Head down at his desk, he kept thinking of the woman working across the room from him. His lovely, sweet Nanao-chan. She, unlike him, seemed to be enjoying the silence and was very much into her work. Shunsui slowly lifted his head up to look at her. She was so serious when she was working. Well, she was also serious when she wasn’t working. Her expression was severe and focused as she scribbled and went through report after report. It was not often he got to admire her like this. She would often notice and turn away and tell him to get back to work or back to his nap or do anything that didn’t involve staring at her like a dumbfounded fool. He liked to think that despite her verbal, and sometimes physical, harshness, she loved him and that was her way of showing her affection and devotion to him.
Tired of just staring at his Nanao-chan, (and she was his, he knew it and she knew it, despite her protests saying otherwise) he got up from his chair and started to walk across the room to her desk, standing behind her chair once he got to her. She was writing up some report and wasn’t really paying much attention to him.
“Is there something you want, or are you just planning on watching me work Taicho?”
“Ahh my cute Nanao-chan, such coldness in your words.”
He bends down a little and slowly slides his hands down her arms until he reaches her hands and grasps them.
“I think it’s due time you took a break Nanao.”
Ignoring the sultry undertone in his voice and his strong hands gripping her own, she continues to skim over the report she’d just finished writing. He brings his head down and begins to softly kiss her neck. She stiffens and keeps working in an attempt to ignore the wet kisses he leaves on her neck. He continues, aware that for all the self control she seems to have, she tends to break down rather easily. This is confirmed, when not ten seconds later she throws her head back relishing the feel of his lips on the sensitive skin of her neck, her work forgotten. His kisses trail up her neck now toward her earlobes and as he does this, he slowly starts to pull her haori off just enough to bare her shoulders. She relaxes, closes her eyes, and allows him to massage her shoulders gently. She inhales deeply, and relaxes further, loving every minute of this rare closeness between the two of them.
He was right, she did need a break. After all the stresses of a typical work day, one needs to relax a bit and he is only too happy to help her do so.
Shortly after he began, he pulls the neck of her haori back up.
“See, don’t you feel better now Nanao-chan?”
“Yes Taicho, I do,” she replies softly and then more severely, “We should get back to work now.”
He sighs. It was getting more and more difficult to stop their little “breaks” at a mere shoulder or back rub, but they both knew they could not allow that kind of indiscretion. Or at least not yet.
“Ahh my Nanao-chan is so dedicated,” he says lightheartedly as he walks back over to his desk. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”
He sits at his desk, puts his head back down and now, after having enjoyed the few touches his lovely Nanao-chan allows inside the office, he can finally take his afternoon nap.
-----------------------------------------
Any and all comments/criticism welcome.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 05:44 am (UTC)"He sighs. It was getting more and more difficult to stop their little “breaks” at a mere shoulder or back rub, but they both knew they could not allow that kind of indiscretion. Or at least not yet."
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 06:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 06:30 am (UTC)I loved it, w00t!!
Is there a sequel? What happens next? ºwº
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 07:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 11:13 am (UTC)Very good for a first attempt, you've got their characters spot on, especially Shunsui's way of talking. The only improvment it can offer is to pay more attention to your tenses when writing; you switch constantly between past and present. You need to pick one and stick with it. Apart from that, though, it was very well written and SO CUTE!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 12:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 05:13 pm (UTC)I really encourage you to try another, of course. XD
And while I'm doling compliments, your icon cracks me up.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 05:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 07:24 am (UTC)It was so cute~ oh and I like your icon♡
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 04:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 01:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 04:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-27 09:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-28 02:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-08 05:39 am (UTC)Constructive criticism would be that you have some dialog errors (there should be commas before names [example: "Come this way, Timothy."]), some sentences are too short or choppy, and you commit a lot of faulty parrallelism (switching verb tense between past and present). Other than that, you've a nice little fic here. Short and sweet!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-09 03:10 am (UTC)